Roman's Family
To whom much is given, much is expected." -Luke 12:48
This verse plays a big part in the calling that Brian and I have felt in the last several years to adopt a baby with special needs, specifically with Down syndrome. We have always wanted to adopt since the beginning of our marriage but things have recently aligned where we have the resources, the location stability, the family support, and an abundance of love to adopt a child special needs. I know many people think, "Why make your life harder just when it's getting easier? " But Brian and I have never wanted just an easy, regular life. We desire to live this life and give everything that we have.
As we have embarked on this journey we have seen many situations where parents feel that the best life for their child would be with someone else. This is a hard thing for people to understand sometimes particularly people who have been blessed with all that they need to take care of their children in their home. Anyone who has ever given birth and looked into their tiny babies eyes can't imagine how anyone could give up their baby, but these mothers can't imagine it either. They have been pushed either by lack of resources, lack of financial ability, or lack of family support to the brink, to a place many cannot understand.
From the adoptive parent side, adoption is so hard. Nothing worth doing is easy in my opinion. We have been registered and approved to adopt since January 2021 and submitted our profile around 20 times. Four of those times we were told it is likely that we would be chosen or that we're in the final few, only to find out later that another family was chosen or in one case the parents decided not to go through with the adoption. It's been an exhausting year, but it is still so much about faith. We had to keep reassuring ourselves that God is in control and if it was His Will then the right baby would come along and the birth parents what choose us.
On Wednesday, September 8th, 2021, we received an email that we were not chosen for a specific baby that we've been praying about for a while and we had been in the final two families. Genevieve, one of our daughters, was particularly devastated and shed some tears. I was frustrated, feeling like our dream was never going to come to fruition. I sat down and tried to wrap my mind around it. I had rented a beach condo beginning on that coming Friday for a month. I hadn't packed a thing because I had been sure that I was going to be meeting my baby instead of going to the beach.
As I sat there, seriously less than five minutes had passed, I received a phone call from the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network. I assumed she was calling concerning the baby we were not chosen for. Perhaps she was going to offer some comforting words as she had before. However, oddly enough she said, "You have been chosen for Baby C." My mind tried to process what she was saying. We had just submitted a profile for Baby C 5 days earlier. All of our close calls had been dragging out for weeks, if not months, requesting a video, an in-person meet up, or dozens of follow-up questions. How in the world have we been chosen outright without jumping through any other hoops? I probably asked her a half dozen times if this is really it. She assured me, "This is really it!"
Well, it was a whirlwind! Thursday was spent completing paperwork, making arrangements for the other kids, and packing for the weekend at the beach. Friday we finished up the last of the paperwork, made flight, rental car, and hotel reservations while trying to make sure the kids were set up for the week and then driving down to the beach, 2 and 1/2 hours away. Saturday we got to take a breath and spend the day with family on the beach, as Brian and I stole moments to discuss his name and other details of the adoption. Sunday we went to Mass together as a family and then we set off to drive back home with the older three kids, leaving the younger three with my mother at the beach. Monday Brian's mom arrived to be the older kids' chauffeur and chaperone during the school week. We boarded a plane for a small town in another state. We got into town very late and only a couple places were open for dinner. We went into a sports bar to share hamburger and a basket of chips. There was a football game on and the waiter was discussing it with a lady at the bar. Brian jumped in with a comment about his fantasy football team, and that opened up a conversation with these two locals. Turns out the lady owned a bed and breakfast in a old historic home in town. And the craziest part was that she, herself, was adopted. She invited us to her B&B and we accepted. We would stay in our hotel Monday night and stay in her place Tuesday night after the adoption before moving to a bigger city to await interstate paperwork.
Tuesday, less than a week after we got the call, Brian and I had lunch together at a cafe as we awaited another call that it was time to go meet the family and pick up Baby C. We were super nervous and prayed for the birth family. Well, technically I was super nervous. Brian is always unflappable.
I will always remember that day. Baby C's birth mother was finishing feeding him a bottle. She was surrounded by social workers, her husband, and her in-laws. I sat near her after the introductions were complete, and after she gave him one final burping she asked me if I would like to hold him. The moment that she handed her child to me to become my child was surreal. The birth parents were so kind and explained to us why they felt this was their only option with tears in their eyes. Baby C fell asleep on me and we took the time to talk and try to get to know one another. When it came time to leave, it was really hard to see the grief in their faces. What had been a very cordial meeting and casual conversation turned into us all hugging and crying. As I hugged his birth mother goodbye God put on my heart the exact words that needed saying. I whispered in her ear, "I will pray for you." I hugged her goodbye. They gave us some clothes that had been gifted to our sweet boy. Every time I look at those clothes I remember his birth parents and I pray for them.
Meet Roman Gabriel Charles! Roman gets a bonus middle name to remember his original given name by his birth parents, Charles. They called him Charlie. Roman means "strong" and Gabriel means "God is my strong man." We thought this little guy born with an extra chromosome in a town too tiny for his special needs with a heart condition that will require open-heart surgery by 6 months of age needed a really strong name.
The Friday following the adoption, Brian got on a plane and flew back home to be both mom and dad while I stayed with Roman in a hotel awaiting the final paperwork approval to cross state lines. It was a good time for us to figure out each other. I'm used to very hectic life style and it was a little quiet for me, but I reminded myself daily this time to bond with Roman without all the distractions of home was a gift and I was determined to enjoy my quiet "vacation" even though I missed my other six children desperately. They told me to be prepared to stay for up to 3 weeks but we were pleasantly surprised when we got the call and everything was clear only a week after Brian had left.
My husband quickly made arrangements to drive up and get us, bringing Isaac (13), Judah (8), and Bob (6). My sister took the girls (17 & 15) and Drew (10) to the beach that weekend. Originally, I was going to fly home with Roman but since he had not had a follow up with the cardiologist in person, he recommended that we drive instead. It was a 10 and 3/4 hour drive. Brian and the boys arrived late Friday night and we went out to dinner together after we introduced them to their new baby brother. Isaac was completely smitten with Roman and said at least a hundred times, "He's so cute!" Bobby was super happy to see me and seemed slightly disinterested in Roman at first. Though he later told some friends that he was equally excited to see me and the baby. Judah couldn't wait to hold him! My little cuddle bunny!
The girls went crazy when they saw him and couldn't wait to get their hands on him. Drew played it a little cool that evening, but since has really taken to Roman.
We truly hit the ground running with back-to-back doctor's appointments for Roman on Monday morning. The big kids had the day off of school, so Hannah accompanied me to his appointments. We got many referrals for audiology, ophthalmology, speech therapy for feeding evaluation, and a blood panel ordered to check his thyroid and other levels. He does have to take thyroid medicine now in the mornings.
The cardiologist did an echo-cardiogram and showed us the two holes in his heart. The nurse had told me to feed him a bottle during the Echo but he was so relaxed and chilled out that he just laid on the table while the doctor performed the procedure. They said he's doing well, and we're going to put off the surgery as long as we can, up until 6 months. If he becomes symptomatic or doesn't gain enough weight they have things to try to delay the surgery.
Our Roman was born the day after Isaac's birthday and was adopted the day after Drew's birthday. He is a dream baby, and we love him so much! How blessed we are. He fits just right in our family and made our family only better and stronger.
Roman started pre-k this year in an inclusion classroom. He is loving it! The children are so kind to him and he is excited to go everyday. He is trying to talk more and I really think that is due starting school.
Roman has an adorable personality and makes people smile everywhere he goes. As the youngest of seven children, he is by far the favorite sibling.
He is still struggling with various health issues and eating, but we're think these things are tied together and hopefully once we resolve the health issues he will start making progress again with his eating. We appreciate your prayers!
